I wanna play this!
Tonight as I lie here awake with just me iheartradio and my thoughts I’ve realized something. Ever since the night of the fight. The night I officially lost my best friens from my life. Everythings turned around. Things are going good. Did it really have to come to that to turn my life around? I start a new job next week. I move to my favorite city in the entire world Sunday and I’ve still got good friends who are willing to be there and look out for me. Why didnt this happen earlier on? Sure it sucks I lost my best friend but he ended up being a piece of shit that wasn’t worth my time anyway. Either way? I’m glad it happened. Cause everytbing in my life is looking up now. :)
I feel alone. There’s almost 7 billion people on this planet and I feel alone. No matter what face I put on for the day or how I act its always just that. A face. Or an act. I may seem happy but the ones who seem happiest are usually the saddest. Sure theres moments of happiness in my life. Everybody has their ups. But lately it seems like all there are are downs in my life. It just seems to constantly be going downhill with no sign of improvement in sight. I just need that one thing or that one person to come into my life to make it better. No matter what I do or how hard I try nothing seems to go right. And nobody in my life seems to understand that. I’ve lost my best friend. Essentially my brother over stupid shit. I’ve lost the one girl in my life that I care most about to another guy. I just need…. something. Something in my life to go right. Even the smallest thing that will get my confidence up and start a snowball effects of good things. Because since before new year its all been going down… and I hate it. Someone help. Please.
It kills me. But at the same time it makes me happy to see someone so happy. But I don’t stop wondering what would happen if it was me that made you happy instead of him? I’m so happy that you’re happy. But from what I’m reading you’re hurting. And that makes me hurt. I just wish you’d come to me and talk like you used to. I miss our talks late at night. When we used to talk through all hours of the night. I know things are different and we can’t do that anymore but hell a five minute conversation would make me happy. The other day when you answered the phone and I heard your voice for the first time in months I was caught off guard. I hadn’t expected an answer. But it made me smile to hear your voice even if only for a second. You’re my best friend in the entire world and you say I’m one of your best friends but you don’t act like it. You don’t talk to me anymore and I know how you feel when you say your friends don’t hit you up anymore. I understand completely…. It hurts. Like hell.
that feeling… that you can’t get rid of? the one you REALLY WANT to get rid of but can’t? yeah i’ve got it. it’s been three years since you entered my life and changed it forever. we’ve had the ups and downs that best friends have. albeit kinda different ones. you’re my best friend in the entire world and i’ve had every emotion towards you that a human can possibly have. but only one has consistently stuck with me…. love. do i know what kind of love? honestly? no. i can’t help but feel like something isn’t right. like it was meant to be different but some unknown force changed our lives to how it is now. i don’t know maybe i’m just going crazy but i can’t help but feel like that.. you’re my best friend and i love you and i would do anything for you. you know that and i know you would do anything for me. always remember that.
can it be? am i finding it again? after the last girl i loved left me in one of the weirdest love triangles in the history of mankind i didn’t think i’d love again that’s for sure. but now i think i’m falling again. falling head over heels and i’m not scared like i thought i’d be. in all honesty? i feel like i’m ready for it. i feel like i’m ready to settle down and get my life in order. i may be 19 but when it comes to relationships i think like a 25 year old. i’ve already got everything planned out in my head how things are gonna work. if things go the way i want them to after i graduate from air force bmt her names gonna be in the process of changing. i can’t wait. 2011 was a huge year, but 2012? it’s gonna be even bigger. and not only am i ready for it? i’m looking forward to it. with my girlfriend and my best friends by my side? nothing in this world can bring me down. as long as i have them, and i have my family? nothing can stop me. feet don’t fail me now! i’m going in, and i’m about to go ham on this place they call Georgia, and i’m about to rock it’s motherfucking socks off by living in the moment, and not a worry in the world. God bless America, and God bless you!